Hey, out there in radio land. Coming at you live from Cole Manor.
I got Chris Cole here with me to share his experiences from "Chris Smash!"
"Chris Smash!" was a whirlwind even for Cole Manor. Today I, Bailey Cole, Will be typing up the events as dictated to me by The One, The Only, Chris "Asphalt Chop" Cole.
Here Goes:
"I've decided to disclose the events of the night as I remember it. This is really for all those morbid friends and family who want to know the gory details. It was Wednesday night. Bailey and I had another unproductive afternoon. We were in need of a little sugar and entertainment therapy.
I was downstairs for about 5 min. Messing with my phone app, before I realized I didn't have the keys to the car. At that point, I had almost decided "fuck it, I just won't go." Then I remembered how much I wanted some Chunky Monkey.
I called Bailey and had her throw the keys down from the landing.
I set out, unbeknownst to me, on a life altering journey.
Lucky Break #1. I see a cop pass by as I was leaving the apartment complex. Instinctively, I decided to put on my seat belt. I am known for not wearing it. After all, I was only going 4 blocks for Ice Cream and RED BOX.
Lucky Break # 2. That cop is most likely the first responder, Officer Lawson.
I pulled up to the intersection of Longdale Dr and Military Highway. I remember thinking it was unusually busy for that time of night. It looked like someone had opened the flood gates. As I was waiting for an opening to turn left on to Military Highway. After a few moments a car pulled up behind me to turn left as well. I continued to wait for an opening. The man(I can see him in my mirror) behind was not as patient.
I remember thinking "Man, its just ice cream and movies. Chill out!"
He then pulled up to my right side. I remember feeling relieved that he had decided to take another route. A tiny voice said "Surely, he isn't planning to turn left, too."
So the details from this point on are going to be a bit fuzzy. Bear with me.
What probably took a minute felt like a half hour.
The traffic cleared. I began to turn left. I heard his tires screech as he turned left and was out in front of me. This is where time begins to slow. As I look in front of me I remember making eye contact with the other driver.
I knew at that moment if I kept on my current path I would have T-Boned his car and likely killed him. I was in Isis, The Wonder Vehicle. He was in a small white car.
I swerved.
From this point I can't explain what happened I can only give my experience.
I felt the car start to tip. I attempted to swerve back. I felt the car go all the way over. I remember feeling immense pain in my left hand. As a reaction to that pain, I went into limb protection mode. I crossed my arms across my chest. I remember letting my body go limp. And the whole world melted away.
The next thing I remember, the world had stopped spinning. I was upside down, and there was a comedian on the radio. I like to listen to the comedy channel on the rare occasion I drive without Bailey in the car. Bailey hates that comedy channel.
I remember telling myself it was time to survey the damage.
You are in a car.
You are upside down.
Weird.
Do your feet move? Check
Do your hands move? Check
Clean underwear? Check
Do you smell gas? No, Good.
It is at this point, that I remember that a person shouldn't hang upside down for too long. Humans have a tendency to black out in this position. So I make the choice to get myself out of the car. I attempt to unbuckle my seat belt. It works on the first try. I was glad to not need the multi tool we keep in the glove compartment.
I fell onto the roof of the car and began crawling out of the driver's side window. Two gentleman are outside helping me from the car. A very nice lady was on the scene. She places her hand on either side of my neck. She assures me she is a nurse and will be staying with me until the paramedics arrive.
I remember looking at my left hand to survey the damage.
I said aloud " Oh Fuck, I think my left hand is broke."
Then I saw the teenager standing behind her.
I apologized profusely for cursing in front of this woman's child. I explained that my mother would have washed my mouth out with soap.
She said "Under these circumstances, I'll tell your mama it's ok."
Lucky Break #3. I remembered to remove my titanium wedding band from my rapidly expanding finger.
On an interesting side note- One of the gentlemen who pulled me from the car assured me that the man who caused the accident was there and that he would NOT be leaving.
His words as I remember them "Don't worry Chief, that
asshole ain't gonna go no where. He better be glad, I don't punch his damn teeth into his face."
I remember looking at the 10 or so people who had stopped. I remember thinking there wouldn't be this many people in our neighborhood in Mississippi.
The ambulance arrived very quickly. I remember trying to explain that I felt fine. That I could get into the ambulance on my own. He insisted that wasn't an option. He said that I would need a neck brace and backboard. I told the guy I was sorry I was a big dude.
He laughed and said "We train to pick up big dudes."
I would like to take a moment and comment on the attractiveness of the Norfolk Fire and Rescue Team. I think had Mr. March, June, and August from the calendar.
Once in the ambulance I told the paramedic, "I can't leave without my wife. This is our only car."
The paramedic assured me the police officers would bring my wife to the hospital.
I then heard Bailey crying over the sound of sirens and traffic.
Officer Lawson poked his head into the ambulance and asked if my wife could join us.
The paramedic's welcomed Bailey to the event and allowed her to sit by my side.
The ride to the hospital was long and uncomfortable. As you all may know, I once got sick on a kiddie train at Hattiesburg Zoo. So laying down facing the back of a ambulance and unable to see the road made for some interesting nausea. I know that neck brace is meant to save lives, however, it was really uncomfortable.
We finally arrived at the hospital. There was some unnerving talk about the gurneys wheels not latching and the possibility of me plummeting to the ground. Luckily the senior paramedic figured it out. They wheeled me into hospital and escorted Bailey to the waiting room.
I waited for what seemed like an eternity for a doctor to come a clear me out of the neck brace. Eventually I was cleared and was rolled onto a more comfortable hospital bed. It was during this process that I first realized how messed up my hand was. A nurse in an attempt to help me over to the bed grabbed my left wrist and pulled me over. It was like a thousand blow guns being shot into my arm at the same time. I asked "kindly" for the nurse to remove her hand from my wrist. I then apologized for the string of curse words in my "kind" request.
I was taken immediately for a set of XRAYs. That was cool. Of course I ask a million questions. I am of preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse and you never know when you might need to run your own XRAYs.
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| Chris' left arm around midnight. |
After XRAYs I wheeled into a room with a new bed that functioned. I was given a TV remote and panic button. The nurse left to get my first round of pain meds. Which made me a bit giddy. Anyone who has ever seen me truly hurt myself will remember I laugh when something is really painful.
A few moments later, Bailey come into the room. It was nice to have her there with me.
The nurse was very kind and gentle. The doctor looked like T.J. Kent with the dreamiest blue eyes. (Ok, Bailey wrote that last part)
Just before we were discharged my pocket started to ring. I was so certain it was in the seat next to me that I didn't even check my pocket!
They put me into a splint. Wrapped it and discharged me just after 2am."
So that's it folks. That's the big event. Just over 5 hours of crazy.
Check back often for more pictures and progress reports!
